Redefining Sexy: To Each Their Own!

At the beginning of the month, Les Gros Bonnets asked a pretty big question for the world of bra bloggers: How do we redefine "sexy"? She has a whole roundup of other posts for you lovely readers to mull over, but I decided to take a stab at what I consider "sexy" to be, for me personally.

I know that at a size 12/14, I'm not what everyone considers to be sexy. I also know that at a size 5/6 (which is what I was back in high school), I wasn't what everyone considers to be sexy. To me, sexy is in the eye of the beholder.

I don't have a physical type. If you lined up all the guys I have found to be attractive, you'd wonder why the heck they were all standing next to each other. Tall, short, skinny, fat, bearded, clean-shaven, white, black, Chinese... they don't really have a whole lot in common on the outside.

So what did I like about them? Their personality. To me, that's where someone's sexual allure really comes out. I've known plenty of conventionally attractive guys who couldn't get my engines revved to save their lives. I'm into emotional connections. I'm really, really drawn to confidence and excellent senses of humor.

So how does that translate into fashion? What makes me feel sexy? Wearing things that I love that are comfortable and make me feel confident.

For example:

Galaxy Print Big Underwear from Knickerocker

I cannot tell you how badass and amazing I feel in these high-waisted bottoms. They are so comfortable and so completely unique and amazing... I always feel like a rock star. They come right up to my natural waist and sit really well.

Tight-End Tights Original Shaping Tights from Spanx, in Currant

I bought these tights recently, and it is so incredibly nice to have colored tights that fit over my bum. They are completely amazing and I highly recommend them! They're soft and are of excellent quality. They also make my legs look fantastic. I wish my legs were purple because of these tights.

Le Petit No. 2 fragrance from Tokyomilk

This was the first perfume I ever bought for myself. I still love it completely, to this day. It's a beautiful fragrance that lingers but feels light and effortless. I don't feel like I'm ever choking people around me with my scent, and it makes me feel really good about how I smell.

What is sexy to you, readers? Do you agree with the mainstream view, or do you deviate?

Thin and Curvy nominated for a Brastop Award!

Hey everybody! I'm a little later than I meant to be in posting this, but this blog has been nominated for a "best blog" award by Brastop! There are many wonderful blogs nominated, all of which are definitely just as deserving of praise, but I am honored by the nomination, and would be even more honored if you would click here and vote for me. Voting ends October 23.

Am I Thin? A Followup to Brittany's "Am I Curvy?" Post

Brittany recently posted a phenomenal entry called, "Am I Curvy?" If you haven't read it, you should read it now, before continuing with my post. You can find it HERE.

This question I'm proposing isn't asked as often here on the blog, or in the emails, but I think it makes perfect sense to address both adjectives in the title of the blog.

Am I thin? Am I pretty enough? Am I a small enough pants size for people to find me attractive? Is my waist small enough? Should I lose 15 pounds? If I wear a XL, does that mean I'm fat?

The media bombards us women with immense insecurity regarding weight. The women you see on billboards have had their arms and thighs thinned out, their waistline smoothed, their cleavage enhanced... you get the picture. It's impossible to live up to the standard of someone who's half-photo, half-smudging tool.

I think now is a perfect time to address the elephant in the room. Y'know, the one who's been eating an extra cupcake here and there, and I'm going to ask myself a very serious question. Am I thin? Curvy has never been a concern of mine, and when Brittany and I first met in college, thin wasn't a concern either.

Then law school happened. There are two main types of stress reactions in law school: stress eating and stress-forgetting-to-eat. I fell into the former category, heavily. In addition, I moved from an area where walking around downtown involved endless hills, where my job had required me to walk up and down stairs every 20 minutes while doing rounds, and where taking hikes in the mountains was a common activity. I moved from a place that celebrated the outdoors and moving around to a place that celebrated shopping malls and restaurants. I was spending a great deal of my time studying, outside of commuting between class and home. When I took breaks from studying, I went out to eat with friends almost every time. I hardly cooked for myself those entire three years, which was very strange, considering that I'd almost decided to go to culinary school.

Unsurprisingly, I gained weight. And now, writing for this blog, I knew I'd be faced with criticisms about my weight. Why am I writing for Thin and Curvy, when I'm not "thin" by some people's standards?

Here's the thing. No matter what label you want to attach to me personally ("fat", "not thin", "sow", "elephant", or whatever other creative thing you can think of), I still love my body.  It may not be nearly as thin as Brittany's, nor will it ever be. When it comes to bra fit, she simply has a much smaller ribcage than I do. When it comes to clothes, she has a narrower waist and hips than I always have had. However, "thin" is not one size. "Thin" does not belong to one shape. "Thin," quite frankly, is all a matter of perspective.

So, am I thin?

For this blog's purposes, certainly. This is something that Brittany and I have discussed specifically. My ribcage is still small enough that I'm considered a smaller back size in bra fit. Edwards and Millers, the new lingerie company releasing in 26 backs and specializes in big-busts-small-bands, is going up to 34 bands. That's me! And for the majority of my bra-wearing life, I was a 32-band. I only, literally, went up to 34 a few months ago. That can be 100% attributed to "moving" stress.

For the real world's purposes? I have no idea, and quite frankly, the real world's opinion of my size doesn't matter. I love writing for Thin and Curvy and speaking to another audience of Brittany's. I don't want anyone thinking that I am trying to replace Brittany, or that I can provide the exact same advice about the exact same sets of problems. I am here to add another voice to this amazing blog, and am quite honored that Brittany asked me.

But what about you, dear reader? Are you thin?

That's something that only you have the power to determine for yourself. Everyone's going to have their opinion, of course, but the real problem with defining "thin" (just like defining "curvy") is that everyone's going to draw comparisons. Put me next to Brittany, and sure, I don't look as thin as she does. But put me next to the heaviest man on earth, and I'll look teeny tiny. What's most important is, just how important is being "thin" to you, anyway? As long as you feel beautiful/sexy/confident/cute/loveable/intelligent/witty/charming/etc., what does "thin" have to do with it?

Love your body, whether it's straight, curvy, thin, fat, tall, short... It's the only one you've got.

Am I Curvy?

“Am I curvy?”

“My measurements are X. Does that count as curvy?”

I've been hearing variations on this question a lot recently. I wanted to take a moment to address it, which is something I've been dreading a bit. Because I get the feeling that when you ask me that, you’re really asking,

“Am I beautiful? Can you validate me?”

Yes. You are beautiful. You are wonderful and unique and utterly gorgeous. I’m sorry that we live in a world that doesn't appreciate beauty in all of its diverse forms, instead making you feel like you need to fit into some arbitrary and narrow standard to feel beautiful.

Let me tell you something else. At the end of the day, I am just some lady on the internet who writes a blog. Please don’t give me the power to define your self image. I’m not the ultimate authority on what curvy is or isn't  or what the most comfortable bra size for you is, or anything else. I’m here to help, and if my advice is useful to you- great! If not- ignore it! Anyone is welcome to read, anyone is welcome to comment and participate, if this blog is useful and meaningful to you. You do not have to fit into some arbitrary measurement to be reading this.

Now, to answer the question on a more practical level:

Most women have some amount of curve. Humans aren't made up of straight lines! I personally think of “curvy” as more of a spectrum than any sort of absolute thing. Also, the idea of there being some specific cutoff is ridiculous- among other reasons, because your other features, such as your bone structure, height, body shape, etc, are going to affect how curvy you appear.

That being said, I think that the word “curvy,” as well as this blog, will probably be most useful to you as a description, if your curves- your breasts, hips, bum, and/or thighs- are different enough in measurements from the rest of you, as to cause you significant problems fitting into off-the-rack clothes or lingerie. My main target audience- ie, who I am thinking of when I write most of my posts- are women who have these problems. Again, that’s not a very specific cutoff- intentionally so- but to me, this tends to be the most useful way to use that word.

Curvy is not synonymous with beautiful.
Curvy is not synonymous with sexy.
Curvy is not synonymous with worthy.

It doesn't define who you are. It doesn't define whether men will find you attractive. I honestly, really, truly believe that there is beauty in all shapes and sizes. If you really feel like you want to describe yourself as curvy, and that it’s a useful word to use, then go for it. If you feel like other words are more useful, then that’s fine. You are still amazing and beautiful and sexy and gorgeous. And totally welcome here.